The tyranny of 'should'

Should is the worst word in English and why you should drop it!

Have you ever thought about what terrible word "should" is? 

Seriously, it's awful. Think about all the times you heard it internally or externally in the last 24 hours. Did they do anything for you? Anything at all, apart from adding pressure, stress and unhappiness? 

"You should do this" 

"I should be earning more money"

"You should get fit"

"I should be a better partner/brother/sister/mother..."

It’s so heavy and yet used so casually. 

It’s also a word which comes up A LOT in coaching. One client this week was discussing her pregnancy and how the bombardment of "shoulds" from her pregnancy App (and countless friends & family) was taking any joy out of her pregnancy. 

These "shoulds," are often influenced by social or cultural expectations, creating a split between our real selves and a perfected, unattainable ideal, leading to feelings of inadequacy, frustration, and a diminished sense of joy.

We go so far down the road of "should", that we forget about choice. Reframe “I should go to the gym” with “I want to go to the gym” and notice the change it makes - mentally and in the body. 

Another trick is to trace the "should", where did it come from? What was the intention? Is it true? If not, what is more true? 

Finally, ask yourself if these "shoulds" are making you happy. If not, what would give you greater peace of mind or joy? How could removing some of these "shoulds" make you enjoy your work or your life better? What could you do differently?

Start by having a look at your current to-do list. How many "shoulds" are there? If you can’t change them to "want" or even to "need" then perhaps think about removing them. what you can achieve with the right support and guidance.