In The End, It Was All About The Milk

Recently, a coaching client shared something she had carried with her for more than 20 years.

As a child, growing up in Italy, she was made to drink a glass of milk every day.

She hated it.

So she developed a strategy: when nobody was looking, she poured it away.

Now, you might be wondering why I'm telling you a story about milk.

The reason is that, more than two decades later, this successful neurologist was still carrying guilt about it.

Not guilt about the milk itself.

She had turned it into evidence.

Evidence that she wasn't really a good person.

Evidence that she had a darker side.

Evidence that she didn't deserve the successes she'd achieved or the opportunities she'd been given.

This is someone who has moved countries, built a successful career, become fluent in another language and achieved things most people would be incredibly proud of.

Yet somehow, the milk still remained a central part of her identity.

As we explored it, I asked what her intentions had been.

Her answer was simple. She didn't want to drink the milk, and she didn't want to upset her mum.

At its heart, the decision wasn't driven by selfishness, malice or bad character. It was driven by self-protection and love.

In that moment, something shifted. The facts hadn't changed but the meaning she had attached to them had.

I've seen versions of this with many clients, ADHD or otherwise. Years of criticism, misunderstanding and feeling different can leave people carrying guilt, shame and self-judgment that have long outlived the events that created them.

Sometimes the thing keeping us stuck isn't what happened. It's the story we've been telling ourselves about what happened.

Since that point, she speaks of feeling "liberated". Suddenly, able to take ownership of her successes, pride in what she's achieved and set a path for her future.

So here's a question: What piece of guilt are you still carrying that might look different if you viewed it through the lens of your intentions, rather than your actions?

Perhaps there's liberation in it for you too.

#Coaching #Mindset